http://revision99.com/2004/12/19/silent-night/ Harshing your mellow since 2004. Sun, 30 Oct 2011 19:38:07 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 http://revision99.com/2004/12/19/silent-night/comment-page-1/#comment-32 Larry Jones Sat, 25 Dec 2004 19:03:00 +0000 http://revision99.com/2004/12/19/silent-night/#comment-32 Yikes! Tabledancer -- you may have had one too many eggnogs. I have to catch up before I can reply to you. I'll stop by your site... Yikes! Tabledancer — you may have had one too many eggnogs. I have to catch up before I can reply to you. I’ll stop by your site…

]]> http://revision99.com/2004/12/19/silent-night/comment-page-1/#comment-31 Tabledancer Sat, 25 Dec 2004 14:07:00 +0000 http://revision99.com/2004/12/19/silent-night/#comment-31 Happy holidays to you because Santa Clause is dead. Rumor has it that he took his sleigh out for a test run and an IED turned him, his reindeer, and the sleigh itself into dust. He had been wounded in past years but somehow still got around weeks preceding 12/25. But the fat guy in the red suit is gone forever now, like cheap oil and Coke Stevenson. Which leads me to why I think it’s time to promote a new product for airports, hotels, bed & breakfasts, even rooming houses or anyplace where unauthorized personnel can carry things or drive: self-cleaning floor mirrors for more hygienic cavity searches. It’s pretty simple. Passengers will remove their underwear and squat over a one-way mirror and cough until observers are satisfied that there is no illegal contraband in the portals. Each mirror would come with its own hose and squeegee. Gross? A bomb killing 68 people including women and children is gross. A dirty bomb in a suitcase placed in front of an air conditioning intake duct at a business hotel is gross. It hasn’t happened yet. But neither had 9/11. Soon people will squat over mirrors to enter the finest hotels. Please consider this: three out of five people “on the go” generally suffer some kind of temporary intestinal disorder, which could lead to diarrhea and messy cavity searches. And you know the skies won’t be friendly unless everybody’s – yes, everybody’s – cavities are completely done over by the new TSA guys. I know what you’re thinking: “Hang on, we already do cavity searches,” which is correct and true. But they are seldom now. And it requires an order by the site administrator. But soon, young guys in white shirts with emblems on their shoulders and chests will (thank The Lord) look at people with an experienced eye and select those who strip in a portable cavity search area. Anyone who fails to provide cavity access will be arrested. If you were one of those young guys and you found a passenger wearing a vest bomb, would you give the individual a strip search (and the terrorist would detonate on the spot) or would you wave the person through to spare your own life and the lives of your coworkers? I know you’d do the right thing. Happy holidays to you because Santa Clause is dead. Rumor has it that he took his sleigh out for a test run and an IED turned him, his reindeer, and the sleigh itself into dust. He had been wounded in past years but somehow still got around weeks preceding 12/25. But the fat guy in the red suit is gone forever now, like cheap oil and Coke Stevenson. Which leads me to why I think it’s time to promote a new product for airports, hotels, bed & breakfasts, even rooming houses or anyplace where unauthorized personnel can carry things or drive: self-cleaning floor mirrors for more hygienic cavity searches. It’s pretty simple. Passengers will remove their underwear and squat over a one-way mirror and cough until observers are satisfied that there is no illegal contraband in the portals. Each mirror would come with its own hose and squeegee. Gross? A bomb killing 68 people including women and children is gross. A dirty bomb in a suitcase placed in front of an air conditioning intake duct at a business hotel is gross. It hasn’t happened yet. But neither had 9/11. Soon people will squat over mirrors to enter the finest hotels. Please consider this: three out of five people “on the go” generally suffer some kind of temporary intestinal disorder, which could lead to diarrhea and messy cavity searches. And you know the skies won’t be friendly unless everybody’s – yes, everybody’s – cavities are completely done over by the new TSA guys. I know what you’re thinking: “Hang on, we already do cavity searches,” which is correct and true. But they are seldom now. And it requires an order by the site administrator. But soon, young guys in white shirts with emblems on their shoulders and chests will (thank The Lord) look at people with an experienced eye and select those who strip in a portable cavity search area. Anyone who fails to provide cavity access will be arrested. If you were one of those young guys and you found a passenger wearing a vest bomb, would you give the individual a strip search (and the terrorist would detonate on the spot) or would you wave the person through to spare your own life and the lives of your coworkers? I know you’d do the right thing.

]]> http://revision99.com/2004/12/19/silent-night/comment-page-1/#comment-30 She-Hulk Mon, 20 Dec 2004 11:29:00 +0000 http://revision99.com/2004/12/19/silent-night/#comment-30 L, beautiful post. Absolutely. L, beautiful post. Absolutely.

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