revision99

I haven’t had time to write Part 2 of “Just Like A Little Girl” yet,

but I have managed to post a new song for your listening pleasure, or pain, depending on what you like.

Or, while you wait, Sacre Bleu! Now you can enjoy revision99 in French!

This is the new home of revision99, and thank you for coming to look.

It’s my own domain (revision99) and it lives on my own web host (1&1 Internet - see the sidebar). The software that powers it is WordPress (a very cool open-source program) and this theme, or template, is called Letterhead and was designed by Robin Hastings.

I’ve brought most of the stuff over from the old blog - all the posts and all your comments, as well as my blogroll. Not everything is ready for prime time yet, but the whole thing should be usable right now.

I hate to give up the community of Blogger - there was always a chance I’d make a new friend by way of the “Next Blog” button - but in fact I was losing readers and getting more isolated as the months went by, so maybe it’s for the better that I hide out here. Now my blog can go back to being what it was when I first started it: a journal of my thoughts, written by me for me. (Realistically, let’s face it: This blog probably won’t change very much.) I warn you, though: I intend to keep in touch with those blogs I’ve been reading on Blogger and elsewhere, and I hope you will stay in touch with me here.

I’m still learning the ropes, and I’d appreciate a heads up from any of you who find technical difficulties. I have a lot more control here over the way things work, but I don’t know for sure if I’ve set it up as trouble-free as the old Blogger site, so please let me know in a comment or email if you discover any problems.

I won’t get into the geektalk right now. There wil be plenty of that in the future (sorry, I can’t help myself). As always, my wistful heart sees you in its dreams.

So now you can flag this post as objectionable.

I have written some naughty things on this blog, although more obscene things are said at White House briefings every day, if you ask me. Come to think of it, I have written some politically objectionable things, too. At the time I posted them, you could just click “Next Blog” if you didn’t like them, or whatever you might have chosen to do in the privacy of your own workplace (because you were reading it at work, weren’t you?).

You could have, would have, moved on and found something to read that was more to your taste, and left me and my perverted left-wing thoughts alone. And what I have written is mild compared to some others. You know who you are.

But now when you don’t like a post, the personal thoughts of some complete stranger who is doing you no harm whatsoever, you can go to the top of the Blogger page and click Flag? I’m not sure what this will actually do. Maybe a censor from Blogger will stop by and read the post, deleting the bad parts, or maybe deleting the whole thing if it crosses some line. Maybe the author will get a cease and desist email from Blogger. Maybe the post will simply be flagged as objectionable, thus warning folks before they read it. Or maybe multiple offenders will just get kicked off Blogger. Yeah, that would work.

I know this: From now on I will be looking for flagged posts, as they will no doubt be the best reading on Blogger. I hope an index of them will be created, so I can find them easier. My idea - don’t try to use it or I’ll tie you up in court for fifty years.

But I predict not much will actually change. There will be flag wars, of course. People will flag posts, and those authors will immediately turn around and revenge-flag the other guy’s post. There will be a huge number of posts that are flagged for no reason. Blogger won’t be able to keep up, and a flag will become meaningless, or a badge of quality, to be displayed with pride. An awards banquet - The Flaggies - will be held annually to honor the authors of the vilest, most anti-Christian, work.

But most of us will censor ourselves, and thus lose a little more of our freedom. There will be no one to blame, because the whole flag thing is meant only in the best way. We should all think alike, just like in the old days. Never mind that were no idyllic “old days” during which everything was better. Transgressors should be flagged and gently guided back to the Right, toward the official truth.

I am going to flag this post myself, if no one else does.

What am I thinking, writing so many words?

When I look at the previous post and realize that I have to scroll down to see it all, even I don’t want to read it. This is the Age of Video. Do I think I’m writing for Posterity? Even if Blogger doesn’t close up shop and delete everything we’ve all written, Posterity will have lost the art of reading, so who am I trying to kid?

I’m too long-winded. There are too many revisions. The prose is prolix. I think I’m on the right track using pictures all the time (thus the gratuitous cheesecake above), but when I start writing I must strive for brevity. Discipline, Jones.

So that’s all for tonight, except to say that my heart burns with hot, hot love for you all.

I am having a hard time getting back in the groove.

I guess I don’t want to get back in the stinking groove. I had a great weekend, with lots of high-speed driving on the California coast, more intellectual stimulation than I have experienced in years, lemon sorbet served inside a hollowed-out lemon - I was even smuggled into a hotel room without registering, and I stayed there for three days, and got away with it. Fuck The Man! (No, girls, I am not The Man.)

I was completely disconnected from the internet. I couldn’t check my email or read any blogs or post anything. Oh, I could have found an internet cafe in the university town I was in, but I was busy having fun. So imagine my surprise when I return to find that most of my otherwise genius readers don’t think they can write song lyrics! What the fuck?

When the Protest Song idea first occured to me, it was because I thought everyone was mad as hell and not willing to take it any more. MPH complained that there weren’t any good, rollicking countercultural change-the-world type of songs for his generation (whichever one that is) to rally ’round, and from the comments he got, I thought writing a protest song for the 21st century was an explosion ready to happen. Thus The revision99 Protest Song UnContest.

But will you look at yourselves?

• “…i’m not sure i’m talented enough to put it into song…” (Alex)
• “…Damn, this blog has a lot of homework…” (Digitalicat)
• “…I’m not promising anything…” (Adreeyin)
• “…This is too much work…” (Steph)
• “…I suck at writing lyrics…” (L of Random_Speak)

What a bunch of weak sisters! You are writers, people! Take a peek at this example of “songwriting” from the 1960’s, and tell me you are intimidated:

The Eve of Destruction, by P.F. Sloane

The eastern world, it is explodin’.
Violence flarin’, bullets loadin’
You’re old enough to kill, but not for votin’
You don’t believe in war, but what’s that gun you’re totin’
And even the Jordan River has bodies floatin’

But you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Don’t you understand what I’m tryin’ to say
Can’t you feel the fears I’m feelin’ today?
If the button is pushed, there’s no runnin’ away
There’ll be no one to save, with the world in a grave
Take a look around you boy
It’s bound to scare you boy

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Yeah, my blood’s so mad feels like coagulatin’
I’m sitting here just contemplatin’
I can’t twist  the truth, it knows no regulation.
Handful of senators don’t pass legislation
And marches alone can’t bring integration
When human respect is disintegratin’
This whole crazy world is just too frustratin’

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Think of all the hate there is in Red China
Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama
You may leave here for 4 days in space
But when you return, it’s the same old place
The poundin’ of the drums, the pride and disgrace
You can bury your dead, but don’t leave a trace
Hate your next-door neighbor, but don’t forget to say grace
And… tell me over and over and over and over again, my friend
You don’t believe
We’re on the eve
Of destruction
Mm, no no, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Is anyone intimidated by this drivel? There should be a protest song protesting this song!! Yet - and you’ll have to trust me on this, because as The Oldest Blogger I know this to be true - that stupid song was played on the radio all over this country every hour, 24 hours a day for three months during 1965.

Really, how much effort would it take to scribble something that bad?

OK, you’re thinking “Hey, I’ve got a life, and my own blog. Why should I contribute lyrics that will only make Larry Jones rich and famous?” Fair enough. Here are the reasons:

• I deserve wealth and fame.
• I need a faster car.
• It will be easy.
• It will be fun.
• You can make a difference!
• You can leave a lasting legacy.

As an added inducement, I promise not to:

• …subject you to ridicule
• …ridicule you myself (as you know, I love you all)
• …reveal your identity (if you don’t want me to)

So you can’t possibly lose. Everybody knows the music business is a pushover. Now you have a willing collaborator, and hey, let’s face it: In the end I will be doing most of the work, and you will be sitting back and taking the credit.

What are you waiting for? Don’t answer that! Here’s even more good news! You don’t have to write a whole song! That’s right, just send me your 21st Century Protest Song idea, in the form of a simple couplet or singable chorus, and I will somehow massage it into a song that’s guaranteed to be as good as The Eve of Destruction!

The first day of Summer is the deadline, so there’s just one more week to do this. Remember, there are no losers in The revision99 Protest Song UnContest. Only people who didn’t win. Member FDIC. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Details at this earlier post.

OK, first go and read this post at the blog referred to by its author as “The blog lovingly referred to as ‘Heightened Thoughts.’” The guy’s all fired up because there ain’t enough modern revolutionary music, given that we live in times that are approximately as shitty and hopeless as the 1960’s and ’70’s, when there were all kinds of protest songs that caused what we now wistfully remember as “the Revolution.”

Completely aside from the fact that there really was no revolution in this country after 1776, and discounting the truth that there is a fairly hefty library of current music protesting the state we find ourselves in, I’ll play along for a while.

Hey, kids, let’s put on a show!

Well, OK, let’s not put on a show. But how about if we write a song? Here’s is the comment, somewhat abridged, that I left in the comment section of Heightened Thoughts:

OK, all you angry people. Here’s a challenge, for you and for me: Write a protest song for the 21st century, and I will put it to music and record it and post it. (I’m talking about lyrics here. If you can play and sing, do this yourself.)

Post your lyrics on your blog (make sure you notify me), or MPH’s comment section (again, you’ll have to notify me), or email me. Look at my profile to get my email address.

• Your song can be a joke, or it can be serious, and you retain all rights to the words no matter what I do with them.
• Of course you get full credit for your contribution whenever and wherever the song appears.
• If more than one of you tries this, I get to pick which one to record.
• If you want to give me a melody, try Audioblogger, or post something on some server somewhere and send me the link.

I am a child of the sixties, a blast from your past, and I am not only angry, I am drug-addled. I warn you: If no one sends me anything or posts anything, I will do this myself. We don’t want that, do we?

So, what is pissing you off about the status quo?

• The religious right?
• The lap-dog media?
• The neocon hawks in D.C.?
• Tom Delay?
• Right-wing AM radio?
• The rich getting richer?
• Environmental destruction?
• Governmental invasion of privacy and disregard for human rights?
• Anti-stem cell research bullshit?
• Abrogation of international treaties?
• Institutional homophobia?
• Corporate scandals?
• Is there more???? Of course there’s more!!
• Stolen elections?
• Globalization?
• Voter apathy?
• Skinheads?
• Longhairs?
• Job outsourcing?
• Drug laws?
• Big fat smug politicians with lifetime paychecks and excellent health benefits fucking with your meager Social Security plan?
• The pumps don’t work ’cause the vandals took the handles?

Write it down!!

Here’s your chance to express yourself. It would be good if it has verses and a memorable chorus that we can sing over and over and over and over and over and over while we are marching on Washington. Rhyming is welcome, but optional. Naturally there has to be an unreasonable and arbitrary cutoff date for song submissions…

…So let’s say you have to send your song BEFORE SUMMER STARTS. That will be sometime on June 21.

OK? Bring it.

Oh, before I forget. Get over to Kristi’s blog if you want to read about hot pickup truck sex with virgin schoolteachers.

I don’t know what’s going on yesterday and today with Blogger,

but I am having a hard time commenting on anyone else’s blog. Not only that but my own post below, titled “Adult Language” has six comments, but seems to be reporting only four of them on the main page. Then when you go to the comments page, you find all six comments, but further commenting is disabled!. And on this, the only time I have ever explicitly solicited reader response. So Blogger has a cruel sense of humor. I did not disable comments on that post, I encouraged them.

I fully expect Blogger to be up and working soon like a well-oiled machine, so save your comments and post them when you can. Or email me - my email address is in my profile, if you can get to that. In the mean time, I’ll be checking out some other blogging platforms.

Update: Right after I posted this, everything seemed to get fixed. I gues the moral is don’t use any tricks to try and get people to comment on your stoopid blog.

What’s happened here is I’ve been neglecting my guests.

OK, you are virtual guests, but I know you’re there, because you leave pertinent (and impertinent) comments. Things have happened to me lately, and my mind and my emotions have been spinning, and, it turns out, the universe is not entirely under my control. Probably these things would make a gripping story to put in a blog post, but I think not, at this time. Maybe I will figure out some way to tell it in which I am a heroic yet sympathetic yet inspirational figure. Maybe not.

But in this fast-moving world of blogging, each new post sits on top of the previous one and supplants it, and none of you will look at anything other than the top post on anybody’s blog, let alone this one, so, since I have been in a tizzy and haven’t participated in my own Comments section for a while, you’d think I don’t care about you. And nothing could be farther from the truth. (Before I go on, will someone please write and tell me if I should have said “further” instead of “farther?’ And what is the rule governing that usage?) So to dispel all concern, I will now move the previous two Comments sections into this post, and participate. The first five are for the Ketchikan story, and the rest are for “I’m Not Quitting.” Here we go:

theresa said… It’s a good story; brusque and dirty, but rich with honesty and compassion.

Fri Mar 11, 09:01:13 PM 2005

MPH said… “Cry to Me”, what a great, great song.

Fri Mar 11, 09:45:21 PM 2005

Jones sez… Solomon Burke has a new album, and it’s bithchin’. Who’d a thunk?

HeroineGirl said… Thank you for your comments on my Heroinegirl Blog, the memoirs are the best reading, which are to the right of the blog( at the top)

Thanks for stopping by,
Heroinegirl
XXX

Sun Mar 13, 06:41:42 AM 2005

Jones sez… HeroineGirl’s story is utterly heartbreaking and inspiring. Go read it.

jericmiller said… well told, larry. it does what you want it to do.

Sun Mar 13, 08:18:25 PM 2005

Jones sez… This is the Professor revealing himself. But I am flattered. I owe you a valium.

L said… I tried to comment on this a couple of days ago, but gave up in utter despair. I was going to post something incredibly insightful here today, but promptly forgot what it was after the comment box took so long to come up I think Kung Pow Pig is right…

Mon Mar 14, 06:01:37 PM 2005

Jones sez… Glad you got through the Blogger anti-comment firewall.

**And now the “I’m Not Quitting” section**

Kung Pow Pig said… It’s called exit strategy. Do not ask the president, he has no clue how to conceive or implement one.I, on the other hand, do.It’s a strangeness after you let go of something. And I won’t be deleting the blog. I left some things in there I’ll need.Good point on Blogger taking a shit for the last week. I can’t really say that the fiasco had nothing to do with it, but it most likely was the straw that did that thing to the camel.

Be seeing you.
Tue Mar 15, 06:01:30 AM 2005

Jones sez… I’m sad to see Kung Pow Pig leave us. Now he will get way ahead in life, and we’ll be sorry.

theresa said… Thank you for the forewarning. You’ll be missed when the time comes to say goodbye.As for myself, I know that my time in the blogosphere is limited as well. I’ll know when it’s time to go when I’ve discovered my reason for coming here in the first place.

Tue Mar 15, 08:12:00 AM 2005

Jones sez… OK, now I feel better about quitting. I’m just not sure I’ll ever know why I started. (Also - Hahaha — you said “blogosphere.”)

Ron Southern said… In a world where having a blog for a year or more makes you feel like you’re very experienced and where anyone who’s been writing one for 2 years or more is an old-timer, it apparently becomes the thing to do to quit or talk about quitting. It’s a high-octane burn-out environment out here. Probably that’s just the kind of people who are drawn to this self-absorbed form of talk-fest. You’re getting that lemme-outta-here bug up your ass a little early, seems to me, but I guess you’re anticipating the moment more than threatening to jump overboard soon. It can be a terrible thing to be so self-aware or self-conscious. Still, a blog can be a great safety valve, it releases some of the pressure.

Tue Mar 15, 09:21:22 AM 2005

Jones sez… It releases some pressure, and adds some of its’ own. I can only imagine how real journalists feel. I mean, deadlines! How sick is that?

Steph said… I think a courtesy last post is good blogging etiquette, don’t you? Unless you meet an untimely demise and are physically unable to post. Well Larry, glad to know you’re not quitting yet–you’ve got more blogging left in you, I know it.

Tue Mar 15, 11:53:54 AM 2005

Jones sez… Etiquette, schmetiquette. My Last Post will be for my own aggrandizement.

MPH said… Hmph. Not one mention of my role in this whole blogger comment fiasco.

Tue Mar 15, 03:27:13 PM 2005

Jones sez… I can’t mention it here. That’s what your blog is for, and you’ve covered it admirably.

Brent said… Glad to see that a good blogger is not quitting. Good blogs are rare in this sea of sucktitude.

Tue Mar 15, 04:08:34 PM 2005

Ha! Suckitude. Can I say “Suckitude, Schmuckitude?” It’s you and me against the world, Brent. Where were you when I needed a wingman?

L said… well goodness — take your time don’t quit yet!

Tue Mar 15, 09:07:28 PM 2005

Larry Jones said…

L - I think it bears mentioning here that I commented on your
post tonight at exactly the same minute that you commented on mine. Isn’t that some kind of sign? Do you think you and I should run away to Rio together and spend our days drinking daiquiris on the beach at Ipanema and our nights dancing like fools in the city? Or does it mean it’s time to quit blogging, for real?
Tue Mar 15, 09:17:32 PM 2005

Pops said…

Viking funeral. Only way to go. Drink lots of mead, put your computer in a boat and light it on fire as you push it out to sea.

Would make it hard to post pictures of the event subsequently, however. Plus it seems a little harsh, burning and then exiling your whole computer just to be rid of your blog. On second thought, this needs more consideration.

And the post-eating… if you hit PUBLISH and it gives you a PAGE NOT FOUND screen, then you hit BACK and you get a nice, freshly scrubbed CREATE NEW POST screen devoid of your magnum opus. So the anal retentive among us save to a Word file before we PUBLISH.

Tue Mar 15, 10:45:39 PM 2005

Jones sez… This reminds me of my own pathetic Vikings, drinking mead and trying to compete in the NFL, but I like your thinking! Will you say a few words at the ceremony? Can I wear the helmet with the big horns, or will you need it?

SJ said… I know I’m late on this matter, but the best way to find links to your blog is to type your url into www.technorati.com. It will show you all the links here.

Wed Mar 16, 01:34:27 PM 2005

Jones sez… Thank you for this tip. I tried it, and I was deeply disappointed in what I found. I may have reciprocal links on my site for people who never ciprocated in the first place.

I’m grateful to all of you, even those who do not comment, although you should. Speaking of which, it will be a cool warp in the blog universe to use the comment section of a post about comments. So be my guest.

I can hardly write another word without mentioning the Great Blogger Fiasco of 2005.

Especially since it is still going on. At least let us hope it’s the only Blogger fiasco of 2005. First the Comment system went down. For one whole day, clicking on the “Leave a Comment” button led down a spiral of despair, an eternity of waiting and watching for the comment box to appear. And this happened so soon after the Big Improvement! So much promise. Blogger popup comment boxes that looked like Haloscan’s, only with pictures! An easy way of reading the post upon which you were commenting, so you could stay on topic, God damnit. Maybe it was just too cool. Maybe the system got overloaded because millions of lurkers saw the coolness and came out of the woodwork, trying to comment on everything, spewing commentary until the servers could no longer stomach another pun, another clever riposte, not one more bon mot, and crashed, to save themselves.

Whatever the reason, the patient seemed dead.

The comment system has been returning to health over the past couple of days, although it still feels like it takes longer for the comment box to arrive than it used to, and whenever the delay is more than 10 seconds (it really shouldn’t be even that long, I don’t care if it is a free service), I am tempted to click on another blog, or even another site completely outside the blogosphere. And thanks for asking, yes, that word still cracks me up.

And now I am reading that Blogger is eating your posts! I’m not sure of the exact manner in which this particular technoabomination is occurring, because so far it hasn’t happened to me, but several of my bloggin’ buddies are writing that Blogger has eaten their posts. I assume this means that carefully researched and constructed gems of journalism are written in the little “Create Post” boxes, only to vanish irretrievably at some point after clicking the “Publish” button. Of course, this could just be the blog writer’s excuse for publishing bad or plagiarized writing. I don’t believe that for a second about anyone that I read, but I’m just saying, you know, it could happen.

Or maybe Blogger really is eating your posts. As I said, It hasn’t happened to me, so I can’t complain, or confirm the glitch, but I would certainly be able to feel the pain, the heartbreak of crafting the perfect post, and then to have it disappear, with no backup. The humanity.

Whatever, the effect seems to be that some blog writers are simply quitting. I don’t mean they just can’t cope with the technical failures. If there’s one thing that almost everyone knows by this stage of the Information Age, it’s that computers crash, and information is lost. We all know how to cope. Go get coffee. Reorganize your desk. Make phone calls (unless you are using a computer-based phone system). Smile apologetically at your customer and wiggle the mouse real fast for a few seconds and say “Gee, the system sure is slow today,” as you look at a screen completely filled with gibberish.

No, it’s not the inability to cope. It’s probably that some writers have been feeling guilty about all the time they are devoting to their blogs. Time that, by any normal measure, is completely wasted. The time spent putting together their posts, thinking about their posts, checking their stats, replying to comments, commenting on other blogs, returning to those to see if their comments have been replied to, or even referred to, looking upon everything that happens in your life as a potential blog topic.

A few days of the system not working right, and these folks are outta here.

Frankly, I don’t blame them. This is an entertaining pasttime at first. I know, I know, it’s a writing excercise. OK, I’ll give you that. But you could write longhand at a park bench, or even on a computer at a park bench, and not post it on the internet. If you’re posting what you did on Friday night after your last final exam, you are probably not practicing your writing technique. You are probably entertaining yourself. The bloggers I read are entertaining me, of course, and maybe a lot of others. But if you find yourself getting sucked into Blogging Madness, all but abandoning your job and your family and traveling the path of solitary obsession, well, hey, welcome to my world.

A break in the action, so to speak, is just what a lot of blog writers must have needed to come out of the ether and make another grab for that elusive je ne sais quoi that we call reality. OK, I’m getting all tangled up trying to be clever here, but what I’m saying is just that some of those whom I have come to think of as “bloggin’ buddies” (only because I read their blogs, and I think they read mine) are stopping their blogs. It’s none of my business why they are doing this, but since I have let then into my mind and heart over the past several months I can’t help feeling a little pang of regret with each one who writes that final post: “Dear friends, I can’t do this any more. You have seen the last of me here. I go now to other things, where you don’t get to follow.” I prefer Holly’s method. She just stopped writing, and didn’t even delete her blog.

But now that I’ve started thinking about it, the Final Post seems like an irresistible grand gesture. How many actors work all their lives for the chance to make an exit speech? To leave the scene and be truly missed (one imagines), while at the same time summing up the meaning of life for all who remain? What glory! I am starting my final post tonight. It may take a long time to finish, and in the meantime I will continue putting up frequent but lesser essays here, especially the always popular “What If You Were Tied Spreadeagle to the Bed?” variety. But all the time in the background I will be working feverishly on my Grand Gesture, the Final Post to end all Final Posts. Or at least this blog.

Don’t hold your breath. These things take time.

I’m doing a little behind-the-scenes fixing up.

First let me say thank you to those who have put revision99 on the links list of their sites and blogs. I want to reciprocate, and I have done so in my list over there on the right sidebar, headed “Bloggin’ Buddies.” [UPDATE: The name of the list has been changed to “Reciprocity.”] I installed the “Who Links Here?” javascript on this site, trying to find out exactly who does link here, and it half-way worked once or twice, but now it doesn’t work at all. I have tried it on different computers, with my firewall disabled, at different times of day, and I get Bad Information.

So if you are linking here and you’re not on the Bloggin’ Buddies list (and you want to be), email me or leave a comment, and I’ll get right on it. The Bloggin’ Buddies list is in no particular order, so don’t get your panties in a twist if you’re not as high up as you think you should be — I add you on as you add me on. I will entertain arguments about moving your link up, especially if accompanied by bribes or sexual favors.

And speaking of comments, you should know that I am notified automatically by email when anyone comments on any post anywhere on this weblog. This means if you find an old post that you have something to say about, you can comment there and be certain that I will see it.

Oh, yeah: My new banner has been up for a week and no one has mentioned it. What do you think? Where is the love, people?

So that’s it for now. You know I love you all.