Posted on by Larry Jones

Hot Enough For Ya?

Just a few quick words for my friends in the midwest:

Thermometer

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Today in Southern California was the first day in a couple of weeks that the temperature was normal, sort of. In my town it hit 81 degrees, and now, late at night, it’s only 66, truly a California balmy night after a mostly triple-digit July.

So eat your hearts out Bismarck, Iowa City, Champaign, Chicago, Minneapolis, Cleveland and the rest of you. You know who you are. I’ve heard the worldwide heat wave has come to your town now. If you need to lose weight, just mow the lawn. That should be good for a ten or fifteen pound reduction.

Oh, and you poor people – better stay under the bridge if you want to maintain that alabaster skin. Also, it’s cooler there.

If you live in the Northeast (according to my weather girl on KCAL 9), get ready: you’re next.

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17 Replies to “Hot Enough For Ya?”

  1. Are you taking some sort of warped delight in my misery? Are you? Well, that’s not very nice of you.

    First, you get to live in California. And I don’t. So, you should just be nicer because of that to begin with.

    Second? Well, I don’t really have a second.

    We are also having flash floods here in Cleveland just about every other day.

    The heartland is so dramatic!

    It’s quite biblical.

  2. Larry, you meanie. I’ll get you back in a month or two when we’re breathing cool, crisp, autumn air while we walk through beautiful colored leaves!

    Actually your thoughts kind of mirrored mine when I heard that our heat is supposed to break tomorrow, and the NE will be hammered. Get ready, people. It’s brutal!

  4. Blue Girl – Yes, I guess it’s a kind of meteorological schadenfreude, which might also be explained by the old saw “Misery loves company.” Me, I just love company, period. And flash floods? Ours are a lot more fun because we have paved our rivers, so the currents can reach extremely high speeds.

    Gnightgirl – Sorry, I’m feeling a lot nicer today. My little taste of the worldwide heatwave put a strain on my generosity, but I’m recovering. Ah, the autumn leaves!

    kStyle – Ha! Let’s see if your sporks will help you now.

  7. I’m digging, digging, with the sporks to create a vast underground chamber where it is Cool and Insulated from the sun.

    That is, until you free the Balrog.
    *evil laughter*

  8. Brent – Now I remember why I like to live here at the edge, where the cool, cool ocean washes the shore and licks my hot, hot ankles.

    kStyle – It’s that second “digging” that tells me you will remain cool.

    Ben – Thank God for Wikipedia.

  9. Larry, I just read your link. Here’s what cracked me up…

    Or maybe we hope they’ll drop him and he’ll disappear.

    🙂

    That was sooooooo George Carlin of you.

    🙂

  10. Blue Girl – You came back! And read my answer to your comment! And followed my link! Thanks – I like George Carlin. His “Place to keep your stuff” routine is classic. Also, he appeared on a national talk show shortly after the 2001 inauguration and said “First of all, the President is an imbecile.” This has perhaps proven not to be literally true, but prophetic nonetheless.

  11. I use a George Carlin line all the time (about cleaning out the refrigerator: It’s meatcake!).

    I think the heat is finally going to break tonight; it’s been extremely quite hot. Luckily, I can escape the heat of my unairconditioned apartment by going to work. Oh, wait, in a BAKERY. Flip side, though, in February, when it’s really damned cold out, I’ll be going to work in the dark, yes, but also to a place that’s warm and cozy and smells like old garbage bread and cake.

    So I got THAT goin for me. Which is nice. (just to throw in another obscure movie reference.)

  12. Goldie – Yes, in February you may taunt me. But it won’t be easy because as Blue Girl has said, I live in California. Obscure movie references? How about “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”?

  14. Goldie – No fair. You can’t just take any old common sentence, which might be heard on any bus anywhere, and call it an “obscure movie reference.” It has to be obscure, yet with only one possible origin, like

    “Gambling? I am shocked. Shocked!“

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