Mystery Dance

What is the point of flirting on the internet?

Come to think of it, what is the point of flirting at all? I mean, when you have no intention of getting up close and making out, why wink and giggle and exchange sly innuendo? Flirting, or whatever you want to call it, is prelude to sex, isn’t it? If, as I suspect, nine out of ten cases of flirting do not lead to sex because the flirter doesn’t want to have sex with you, what the heck is going on?

If I like you and you flirt with me, I will want to take it to the next level, and the next, and the next, as quickly as possible. I can’t help it. So in person, it’s not really flirting. It’s teasing.

But on the internet, it’s far removed even from teasing. In most cases you are using your cute lines on somebody you don’t know, who is responding from a place god knows where, and the chance that a next level even exists is down there right around – say it with me now – zero.

So flirting on the internet: Are you doing it for yourself, to show yourself that you’ve still got it or something? Does it somehow boost your ego? Are you demonstrating to others that you are a player? Have you just not thought it through and realized that it’s going nowhere?

Why don’t you tell me about the mystery dance?

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32 Replies to “Mystery Dance”

  1. 1. yes, everything Emma said.

    2. Larry, I suspect the problem is not really with flirting in general, but rather with a particular frustrating situation you’re dealing with now. Si o no?

  2. I can’t speak for the other interveners here, but it just seemed to me that the comment was out of proportion to our own experiences of disappointment. It sounds like you’re saying, “If you’re not going to put out, then don’t flirt with me at all, because I’ll just be frustrated and disappointed.” It also sounds like you’re saying, “Don’t make me have to decode a single damn thing–in my book, flirting=wants to have sex.” I (and I think some others here) think that while flirting sometimes means “wants to have sex,” sometimes it means “wants to have sex, but recognizes it as a bad idea in this situation” or “finds you attractive and is letting you know, but doesn’t feel compelled to act on it.” We like those latter circumstances and it seems that you don’t, and at least some of us don’t get why you don’t.

  3. A larger story here perhaps? You don’t strike me as someone who gets rejected that often, what with the witty rock star thing you have going on. So, who is she?

  4. Goldie – A harsh judgment. I look like an asshole when viewed the way you decribe it. Starting to feel like one, too.

    Erin – You caught me. But the real story must remain a secret for now.

    kStyle – I was cranky about something, and I dashed off a cranky post, then found myself defending a position I was rapidly losing faith in. So yeah, defensive is the word.

    Who knows? One day I may be able to flirt again.

  5. Well, and, I think the reason we’re pushing you on this is that we don’t think you’re really an asshole! Don’t worry about it: I think all of us say things sometimes that, when boiled down to their essences, aren’t positions we really want to take or defend. But sometimes it takes some working out and working through them to realize (a) what the essence is and (b) that we don’t really agree with it.

  6. Larry, you sparked an incredibly fun discussion. I’m just aggravated at the dame for giving you the run-around! Everything I’ve read from you gives no indication of you being a jerk; quite the contrary, you seem kind, smart, and witty.

    Am I flirting again? Sorry. Just can’t help it.

  7. My hopes are dashed!
    I’ve been flirting with you for months and months, and now you tell me that my chances of shagging you are ZERO? Why have I been wasting my time and energy?
    Larry, you are nothing but a big tease!

  8. Goldie – Thank you. You’re strict, but merciful.

    kStyle – I’m glad somebody had fun. Y’all come back.

    Theresa – You want to shag me? Did I mention that I take back everything I said in this post? Yeah, I thought I mentioned that.

  9. I SUCK at flirting. First of all, any time I go to “wink-wink, hair-tossing land,” I end up with some psycho standing on a ladder, whispering in the window that he’s decided to spend the night, and the Girlfrands all have to come over and help me stand guard.

    I’ve thus reverted to good old-fashioned conversation, which resulted, 2 weeks ago, in someone telling me “this isn’t the conversation I’m used to having while I’m out in a bar, y’know?”…

    I felt like such a schoolmarm.

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