I am having a hard time getting back in the groove.
I guess I don’t want to get back in the stinking groove. I had a great weekend, with lots of high-speed driving on the California coast, more intellectual stimulation than I have experienced in years, lemon sorbet served inside a hollowed-out lemon – I was even smuggled into a hotel room without registering, and I stayed there for three days, and got away with it. Fuck The Man! (No, girls, I am not The Man.)
I was completely disconnected from the internet. I couldn’t check my email or read any blogs or post anything. Oh, I could have found an internet cafe in the university town I was in, but I was busy having fun. So imagine my surprise when I return to find that most of my otherwise genius readers don’t think they can write song lyrics! What the fuck?
When the Protest Song idea first occured to me, it was because I thought everyone was mad as hell and not willing to take it any more. MPH complained that there weren’t any good, rollicking countercultural change-the-world type of songs for his generation (whichever one that is) to rally ’round, and from the comments he got, I thought writing a protest song for the 21st century was an explosion ready to happen. Thus The revision99 Protest Song UnContest.
But will you look at yourselves?
- “…i’m not sure i’m talented enough to put it into song…” (Alex)
- “…Damn, this blog has a lot of homework…” (Digitalicat)
- “…I’m not promising anything…” (Adreeyin)
- “…This is too much work…” (Steph)
- “…I suck at writing lyrics…” (L of Random_Speak)
What a bunch of weak sisters! You are writers, people! Take a peek at this example of “songwriting” from the 1960’s, and tell me you are intimidated:
The Eve of Destruction, by P.F. Sloane
The eastern world, it is explodinâ€™. Violence flarinâ€™, bullets loadinâ€™ Youâ€™re old enough to kill, but not for votinâ€™ You donâ€™t believe in war, but whatâ€™s that gun youâ€™re totinâ€™ And even the Jordan River has bodies floatinâ€™ But you tell me Over and over and over again, my friend Ah, you donâ€™t believe Weâ€™re on the eve of destruction. Donâ€™t you understand what Iâ€™m tryinâ€™ to say Canâ€™t you feel the fears Iâ€™m feelinâ€™ today? If the button is pushed, thereâ€™s no runninâ€™ away Thereâ€™ll be no one to save, with the world in a grave Take a look around you boy Itâ€™s bound to scare you boy And you tell me Over and over and over again, my friend Ah, you donâ€™t believe Weâ€™re on the eve of destruction. Yeah, my bloodâ€™s so mad feels like coagulatinâ€™ Iâ€™m sitting here just contemplatinâ€™ I canâ€™t twist the truth, it knows no regulation. Handful of senators donâ€™t pass legislation And marches alone canâ€™t bring integration When human respect is disintegratinâ€™ This whole crazy world is just too frustratinâ€™ And you tell me Over and over and over again, my friend Ah, you donâ€™t believe Weâ€™re on the eve of destruction. Think of all the hate there is in Red China Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama You may leave here for 4 days in space But when you return, itâ€™s the same old place The poundinâ€™ of the drums, the pride and disgrace You can bury your dead, but donâ€™t leave a trace Hate your next-door neighbor, but donâ€™t forget to say grace Andâ€¦ tell me over and over and over and over again, my friend You donâ€™t believe Weâ€™re on the eve Of destruction Mm, no no, you donâ€™t believe Weâ€™re on the eve of destruction.
Is anyone intimidated by this drivel? There should be a protest song protesting this song!! Yet – and you’ll have to trust me on this, because as The Oldest Blogger I know this to be true – that stupid song was played on the radio all over this country every hour, 24 hours a day for three months during 1965.
Really, how much effort would it take to scribble something that bad?
OK, you’re thinking “Hey, I’ve got a life, and my own blog. Why should I contribute lyrics that will only make Larry Jones rich and famous?” Fair enough. Here are the reasons:
- I deserve wealth and fame.
- I need a faster car.
- It will be easy.
- It will be fun.
- You can make a difference!
- You can leave a lasting legacy.
As an added inducement, I promise not to:
- …subject you to ridicule
- …ridicule you myself (as you know, I love you all)
- …reveal your identity (if you don’t want me to)
So you can’t possibly lose. Everybody knows the music business is a pushover. Now you have a willing collaborator, and hey, let’s face it: In the end I will be doing most of the work, and you will be sitting back and taking the credit.
What are you waiting for? Don’t answer that! Here’s even more good news! You don’t have to write a whole song! That’s right, just send me your 21st Century Protest Song idea, in the form of a simple couplet or singable chorus, and I will somehow massage it into a song that’s guaranteed to be as good as The Eve of Destruction!
The first day of Summer is the deadline, so there’s just one more week to do this. Remember, there are no losers in The revision99 Protest Song UnContest. Only people who didn’t win. Member FDIC. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Details at this earlier post.