The Swiss Are No Longer Neutral

Are you the Mystery Cougher? Am I?

Today at 5:30 in the afternoon I heard the new Ricola commercial on the radio. I immediately pushed the button to switch to another station, and they were playing the same commercial. Weird, I thought, and hit the button again, and heard the same commercial again. Thinking I had somehow switched back to the original station, I hit the button again, and heard the commercial for the fourth consecutive time. These guys are really carpet-bombing us.

I was forced to figure out what it was about, and now I share with you:

Ricola makes cough drops, and they have always had strange advertising. I remember one on TV that involved some guy in quaint Swiss folk garb blowing on a 20-foot Swiss horn in a subway car, for example.

But the current campaign is truly bizarre. They have a Mystery Cougher, a man (or maybe a woman, they hint) who goes around coughing near people. If you hear him and offer him a Ricola cough drop, BINGO! You win money, up to a million bucks! If this works, we will all have to buy at least one package of Ricola cough drops, and start offering them to anyone who coughs around us, because who can take a chance on losing a million dollars? I’m assuming this is a nationwide campaign, so that’s a lot of damn cough drops. But would you accept a cough drop from a stranger? Would you offer one? Would people call Homeland Security on you if you did?

Looks like we may find out.

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6 Replies to “The Swiss Are No Longer Neutral”

  1. I would think some acting must be involved, since if you have a real cough you have to call in sick and can’t work. This would suggest that the Mystery Cougher is a Real Actor, and not a struggling one, since (s)he is employed in a performance capacity. The strugglers are still working in restaurants, probably, coughing on your food.

  2. I think a class-action lawsuit is in order. Just think of the discrimination here: Car commuters in Los Angeles are discriminated against, because they don’t have the public exposure that New York subway users have, and therefore they are far less likely to encounter the Mystery Cougher. And what about Incarcerated Americans? Will they have a chance? I think not! Can they afford to buy Ricola? Again, I think not! Isn’t it true that the requirement to purchase something (i.e., the cough drops) makes this whole thing an illegal lottery? Absolutely!!!!

    And what about the President and the the lovely First Lady? If the Ricola M.C. can’t get close enough to eject upon them a wee bit of Swedish sputum, are not they discriminated against, as well? What kind of society are we if we can’t defend the powerful along with the weak?

    And where are the rules for this contest? Where do I send my SASE for the list of winners? Where is the disclosure of my odds, the list of minor prizes, the naming of the accounting firm that makes things fair?

    This whole thing needs to be followed closely! There needs to be a Web site to keep us up to date! And it’s up to Larry Jones to do this, because he has brought this urgent matter to our attention.

    Larry: Please provide your PayPal handle, and I will contribute $10 to get you started!

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