Posted on by Larry Jones

There are dicks and there are Dicks

A guy named Dick wrote these things.

I have only included the highlights here. Glance through it, and I’ll tell you why I am including any of this shit here.

50 Things: By Dick

  1. The person I love most in life is my son.
  2. I pray every day that his mommy dies.
  3. I’m actually a nice guy besides #2.
  4. I’m overweight and can’t stand it anymore.
  5. Lost my virginity when I was about 16 or 17.
  6. Her name was Eileen Kelly, pretty w/big boobs.
  7. In addition to #2, I hate fucking Muslims. Fuck you, you smelly, dirty pricks!
  8. I would not mind going into Iraq.
  9. This is the longest I think I have ever been with one person where I haven’t cheated on them. I still have no desire to do so.
  10. The answer to life: Have enough money. Then anything or anyone is yours.
  11. I think growing up I turned more jaded and republican, maybe it’s the same thing.
  12. I love big breasts, God I love ’em.

You can go here if you think you might be able to stomach the rest of Dick’s 50 Things, or if you have big breasts and want to show them to a Dick, but I think you get the idea. I immediately clicked on the comment button and wrote to Dick:

“What a nice guy you seem to be! You certainly deserve for your son’s mother to die. Hey, why don’t you kill her yourself? Then you will be able to teach the kid about hating Muslims, going into Iraq, getting fat, and the fact that you can have anyone you want if you have enough money.”

I didn’t say how cool I thought it was that he mentions his first fuck by her full name (she’ll be so proud!), that he usually cheats on his partners or that he’s jaded and Republican and thinks it’s the same thing.

I also didn’t send my comment. I looked at it, and I looked again at Dick’s post, and I realized that if you’re a Dick, there’s nothing I can say or do that will cause you to reevaluate your beliefs, no matter how patently stupid they may be, and all I would do is hurt the dumb fuck’s feelings, and then how would I feel? Instead, because I just can’t let things go, I’m venting here in my own blog, poisoning my beautiful Sunday in Paradise.

Weep for me. people. But at least I’m not a Dick.

(And don’t miss the invitation in my previous post, from late last night –it’s the next one down. Reproduce it, ladies, and send it to you-know-who.)

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11 Replies to “There are dicks and there are Dicks”

  1. I wonder if Dick and Chick are fucking with our heads? Chick sounded nice and like she wouldn’t even hang out with the Dick, so I don’t know if they’re just happily crazy together or what. If I was you, I wouldn’t touch these people with a ten foot pole. I’d keep my electrons to myself. I wouldn’t quote what Dick says or wonder aloud if he gave his first fuck’s real name. In fact, if I was smart, I wouldn’t even write to YOU about it! If you’ve never been stalked, attacked, or violently repulsed by other bloggers, maybe you’re just being naive to think it can’t happen. Of course, you may have a great security system in your apartment and on your computer.

    Or, on the other hand, maybe we could write Chick and ask her if could come over and play with her big honkin’ knockers. We’re both pigs, what’d’we care?

    Still, if Dick might be a put-on, so might we be!

  3. Ron — The reason this riled me so is that it feels like he’s telling the truth. I could be wrong. And I don’t intend to fire on him — that’s why I brought his list to your attention.

    L — Never say never, eh?

  4. I’ve been reading the Chick & Dick blog for a while and that list is the first I’ve actually seen of Dick. It’s really mostly Chick, who seems extremely cool and is married to someone else I think. I was also surprised by Dick’s list when I saw it, for the same reasons Larry pointed out, and likewise, decided not to comment.

    Sometimes I post things specifically to be provocative. I like to see how people will respond, but it’s usually more obvious than that.

  5. Well, I believe you. And Dick is a suspicious character. But now Theresa says Chick is a Great Chick. My head is spinning. I HATE being confused, I admit it. I hope nobody writes Dick and tells him where we are and what we’re saying. If that does happen, I want him to know right now that you’re the Muslim, not me! I was just standing around on a street corner when you started talking to me… Honest!

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