A guy named Dick wrote these things.
I have only included the highlights here. Glance through it, and I’ll tell you why I am including any of this shit here.
50 Things: By Dick
- The person I love most in life is my son.
- I pray every day that his mommy dies.
- I’m actually a nice guy besides #2.
- I’m overweight and can’t stand it anymore.
- Lost my virginity when I was about 16 or 17.
- Her name was Eileen Kelly, pretty w/big boobs.
- In addition to #2, I hate fucking Muslims. Fuck you, you smelly, dirty pricks!
- I would not mind going into Iraq.
- This is the longest I think I have ever been with one person where I haven’t cheated on them. I still have no desire to do so.
- The answer to life: Have enough money. Then anything or anyone is yours.
- I think growing up I turned more jaded and republican, maybe it’s the same thing.
- I love big breasts, God I love ’em.
You can go here if you think you might be able to stomach the rest of Dick’s 50 Things, or if you have big breasts and want to show them to a Dick, but I think you get the idea. I immediately clicked on the comment button and wrote to Dick:
“What a nice guy you seem to be! You certainly deserve for your son’s mother to die. Hey, why don’t you kill her yourself? Then you will be able to teach the kid about hating Muslims, going into Iraq, getting fat, and the fact that you can have anyone you want if you have enough money.”
I didn’t say how cool I thought it was that he mentions his first fuck by her full name (she’ll be so proud!), that he usually cheats on his partners or that he’s jaded and Republican and thinks it’s the same thing.
I also didn’t send my comment. I looked at it, and I looked again at Dick’s post, and I realized that if you’re a Dick, there’s nothing I can say or do that will cause you to reevaluate your beliefs, no matter how patently stupid they may be, and all I would do is hurt the dumb fuck’s feelings, and then how would I feel? Instead, because I just can’t let things go, I’m venting here in my own blog, poisoning my beautiful Sunday in Paradise.
Weep for me. people. But at least I’m not a Dick.
(And don’t miss the invitation in my previous post, from late last night –it’s the next one down. Reproduce it, ladies, and send it to you-know-who.)