Secrets of Getting, Er, Elected

Now that the United States is under the complete control of the right wing, I’m kind of glad we still have elections.

Of course, the Republican Party seems to have figured out how to win the darn things every time, but hope springs eternal, eh? And I know this makes me a privileged, liberal, elitist, terrorist-lovin’ Volvo driver, but I think the Repubs have been using underhanded tactics to take over the country. I mean, from Karl Rove’s whispering campaign that Governor Ann Richards of Texas was an alcoholic lesbian to the theft of the White House in 2000 to the lies of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, the strategy has been, well, shady, if not downright sleazy.

So to all you Democrats, liberals, progressives, socialists, communists and terrorists (just kidding – you terrorists talk among yourselves) who think that this November midterm election is going to be any different, that we have a good chance to grab a few seats in Congress and maybe even get a skinny majority in one of them; you who think The People have seen the light (or the darkness, as the case may be) and are ready to correct course at the polls; you who are smugly saying “We knew this couldn’t last,” let me remind you that Karl Rove and company are still the party in power, and I don’t use the word “power” lightly.

Rove is promising Republican insiders an “October Surprise,” some kind of staged event that might reverse the anti-Republican tide and keep the government firmly under one-party control for at least another two years, to add to the eternity it’s already been. I don’t think we’ve yet seen the lowest depths to which Karl can descend, but if I were him I’d pull out all the stops for this one. After all, it may be his swan song, since he probably won’t be involved in 2008, and no doubt he’ll want to go out a winner, which I believe is the technical term for what he’s done to the country during his career.

I hesitate to speculate on what Rove has in mind. Another attack? The capture of Osama? Given his history, I am prepared to be ambushed, and steeling myself for the worst.

So let’s not think it’s over. Let’s not stay home on election day. Let’s keep the pressure on in whatever way we can. Let’s support liberal, progressive, Democratic candidates. Let’s not concede one point, one vote, one precinct. If we lose, we lose. But let’s not quit, and let’s not get fooled again.

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PS: I found the advertisement above at the site about the October Surprise. Damned the Liberal Media, trying to hide from me the secrets of scoring with those hawt Republican babes.