Category: Mechanix

Congratulations, precious ones!

It was a long wait, but everyone who tried to entertain me by getting their own globally recognized avatar has, at long last succeeded, and may I say I am thoroughly entertained now. You are all beautiful: Theresa, Ron, Blue Girl, Emma Goldman and Blanca (and need I add Laurie, Jayne and Shephard, the original three? I didn’t think so.).

If I had known how long this would take and how frustrating the process would be for some of you, I wouldn’t have brought it up a second time. Although it seems to me that if anyone really loved me they would have paid attention to my first post on this topic, instead of waiting for me to beg.

But, bottom line, Jones is having a thoroughly good time with this, and I thank you all for playing. The second post has so far generated 40 comments, which might be a record for this blog. No doubt most of the comments were just folks typing any old thing, just to see if their new avatar was working yet, even though I think I mentioned in the post and in a comment that you don’t have to do that – your avatar will show up on your existing comments once it’s approved and activated. If you were really just sharing some love, all the better. I salute you and I smooch you. Except where inappropriate. Then I just shake hands with you.

Now go forth to other blogs and impress other, better bloggers than I with your avatars. Just don’t try it on Blogger. And speaking of Blogger – now that I’ve left that fold, I think they should buy gravatar.com and install new servers for it so it wouldn’t take two f*cking weeks to get a picture of yourself on your comments.

And now, here’s my alter-ego, the first picture I took of myself with my web cam, and from which I derived my own avatar.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Krazy-Eyed Killer:

Hardly any of the Precious Few who read this have gone and gotten their own Gravatar, so I hereby decree that you shall all be SOCK PUPPET BUNNIES until I change my mind.

Jayne, Shephard and Laurie, three who almost never comment here, have gravatars, so they will be represented by their own self-created (or at least self-chosen) avatars. The rest of you, go ahead and leave a comment (or go to a previous post and look at your comment), and you will see that you have become sock puppet bunnies.

To avoid this fate, just go to http://www.gravatar.com and sign up for your own gravatar. It’s free, and then you won’t have to be a sock puppet bunny. (At other sites, your default persona might be even worse!) If you don’t have a picture you want to use, there’s a huge library of free avatar images at Avatarity.com. Pick one and download it from there, then go to gravatar.com, sign up (with your real email address) and upload it there.

I’m tempted to try to explain what a Gravatar is. Let’s just say it’s a picture that represents you when you comment on blogs. Not all blogs have Gravatars implemented, but this one does, and more will follow.

It’s fun, it’s free, it’s kicky! You know you can do it, so come on, get to it!

revision99 is now set up to display gravatars.

Gravatars are pictures that represent you the blogger or commenter. Not necessarily a picture of you, although it could be. But it could just as well be a picture of a fire truck, or a symbol, or an electric guitar. Think of the profile picture in Blogger, and how it shows up on your blog and in any comments you make to other Blogger members on their blogs. Gravatars are like that, only they work outside of Blogger. Like here on revision99, or on any blog that uses Haloscan for commenting.

Since a picture is worth a whole bunch of words and I seem to be having a hard time explaining this, I’ll make a comment on this post, and you can go look at it and see my gravatar. Then you’ll understand what I mean.

So if you have already signed up and created a gravatar for yourself, when you comment here your gravatar will appear near your name and comment. If you haven’t already signed up (and you know you want to, because it’s fun), go to gravatar.com. All will be explained to you.

Take a picture of yourself. or use one you already have, or create a tiny piece of artwork. When you sign up at Gravatar you can then upload the image and soon you, too, will have a gravatar! A few tips: Don’t do what I did and sign up with an email address different from the one you type in when you comment, because your user ID is your email address. Your email address is what links you to your gravatar, so you have to use the right email address. That took a few weeks for me to figure out. Also, make your artwork square, because they have to be square, preferrably 80 by 80 pixels, but it will be shrunk to that size, so that’s not as important as making it square.

There are avatar creators out there on the web – sites that allow you to make an avatar for yourself, no artistic talent required. Try Mess Dudes, for example. If that one doesn’t float your boat there’s a long list of other such sites here.

Or maybe I should just say “Gravatars are now supported on this blog.” If you know what they are, that would be enough. If you don’t know what they are, chances are you don’t care anyway.

Thanks to Skippy at Skippy.net for the gravatar plugin.

UPDATE APRIL 28: I forgot to check these gravatars in Internet Explorer. Now I see that IE displays an ugly red “X” if you don’t have a gravatar. I use Firefox so I didn’t notice until now. I’ll have to see if I can do something to make that look a little nicer, and not so, you know, accusatory.

UPDATE DECEMBER 20: As explained in this post, I’ve disabled Gravatars until further notice.

I haven’t had time to write Part 2 of “Just Like A Little Girl” yet,

but I have managed to post a new song for your listening pleasure, or pain, depending on what you like.

Or, while you wait, Sacre Bleu! Now you can enjoy revision99 in French!

This is the new home of revision99, and thank you for coming to look.

It’s my own domain (revision99) and it lives on my own web host (1&1 Internet – see the sidebar). The software that powers it is WordPress (a very cool open-source program) and this theme, or template, is called Letterhead and was designed by Robin Hastings.

I’ve brought most of the stuff over from the old blog – all the posts and all your comments, as well as my blogroll. Not everything is ready for prime time yet, but the whole thing should be usable right now.

I hate to give up the community of Blogger – there was always a chance I’d make a new friend by way of the “Next Blog” button – but in fact I was losing readers and getting more isolated as the months went by, so maybe it’s for the better that I hide out here. Now my blog can go back to being what it was when I first started it: a journal of my thoughts, written by me for me. (Realistically, let’s face it: This blog probably won’t change very much.) I warn you, though: I intend to keep in touch with those blogs I’ve been reading on Blogger and elsewhere, and I hope you will stay in touch with me here.

I’m still learning the ropes, and I’d appreciate a heads up from any of you who find technical difficulties. I have a lot more control here over the way things work, but I don’t know for sure if I’ve set it up as trouble-free as the old Blogger site, so please let me know in a comment or email if you discover any problems.

I won’t get into the geektalk right now. There wil be plenty of that in the future (sorry, I can’t help myself). As always, my wistful heart sees you in its dreams.

So now you can flag this post as objectionable.

I have written some naughty things on this blog, although more obscene things are said at White House briefings every day, if you ask me. Come to think of it, I have written some politically objectionable things, too. At the time I posted them, you could just click “Next Blog” if you didn’t like them, or whatever you might have chosen to do in the privacy of your own workplace (because you were reading it at work, weren’t you?).

You could have, would have, moved on and found something to read that was more to your taste, and left me and my perverted left-wing thoughts alone. And what I have written is mild compared to some others. You know who you are.

But now when you don’t like a post, the personal thoughts of some complete stranger who is doing you no harm whatsoever, you can go to the top of the Blogger page and click Flag? I’m not sure what this will actually do. Maybe a censor from Blogger will stop by and read the post, deleting the bad parts, or maybe deleting the whole thing if it crosses some line. Maybe the author will get a cease and desist email from Blogger. Maybe the post will simply be flagged as objectionable, thus warning folks before they read it. Or maybe multiple offenders will just get kicked off Blogger. Yeah, that would work.

I know this: From now on I will be looking for flagged posts, as they will no doubt be the best reading on Blogger. I hope an index of them will be created, so I can find them easier. My idea – don’t try to use it or I’ll tie you up in court for fifty years.

But I predict not much will actually change. There will be flag wars, of course. People will flag posts, and those authors will immediately turn around and revenge-flag the other guy’s post. There will be a huge number of posts that are flagged for no reason. Blogger won’t be able to keep up, and a flag will become meaningless, or a badge of quality, to be displayed with pride. An awards banquet – The Flaggies – will be held annually to honor the authors of the vilest, most anti-Christian, work.

But most of us will censor ourselves, and thus lose a little more of our freedom. There will be no one to blame, because the whole flag thing is meant only in the best way. We should all think alike, just like in the old days. Never mind that were no idyllic “old days” during which everything was better. Transgressors should be flagged and gently guided back to the Right, toward the official truth.

I am going to flag this post myself, if no one else does.

What am I thinking, writing so many words?

When I look at the previous post and realize that I have to scroll down to see it all, even I don’t want to read it. This is the Age of Video. Do I think I’m writing for Posterity? Even if Blogger doesn’t close up shop and delete everything we’ve all written, Posterity will have lost the art of reading, so who am I trying to kid?

I’m too long-winded. There are too many revisions. The prose is prolix. I think I’m on the right track using pictures all the time (thus the gratuitous cheesecake above), but when I start writing I must strive for brevity. Discipline, Jones.

So that’s all for tonight, except to say that my heart burns with hot, hot love for you all.

I am having a hard time getting back in the groove.

I guess I don’t want to get back in the stinking groove. I had a great weekend, with lots of high-speed driving on the California coast, more intellectual stimulation than I have experienced in years, lemon sorbet served inside a hollowed-out lemon – I was even smuggled into a hotel room without registering, and I stayed there for three days, and got away with it. Fuck The Man! (No, girls, I am not The Man.)

I was completely disconnected from the internet. I couldn’t check my email or read any blogs or post anything. Oh, I could have found an internet cafe in the university town I was in, but I was busy having fun. So imagine my surprise when I return to find that most of my otherwise genius readers don’t think they can write song lyrics! What the fuck?

When the Protest Song idea first occured to me, it was because I thought everyone was mad as hell and not willing to take it any more. MPH complained that there weren’t any good, rollicking countercultural change-the-world type of songs for his generation (whichever one that is) to rally ’round, and from the comments he got, I thought writing a protest song for the 21st century was an explosion ready to happen. Thus The revision99 Protest Song UnContest.

But will you look at yourselves?

• “…i’m not sure i’m talented enough to put it into song…” (Alex)
• “…Damn, this blog has a lot of homework…” (Digitalicat)
• “…I’m not promising anything…” (Adreeyin)
• “…This is too much work…” (Steph)
• “…I suck at writing lyrics…” (L of Random_Speak)

What a bunch of weak sisters! You are writers, people! Take a peek at this example of “songwriting” from the 1960’s, and tell me you are intimidated:

The Eve of Destruction, by P.F. Sloane

The eastern world, it is explodin’.
Violence flarin’, bullets loadin’
You’re old enough to kill, but not for votin’
You don’t believe in war, but what’s that gun you’re totin’
And even the Jordan River has bodies floatin’

But you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Don’t you understand what I’m tryin’ to say
Can’t you feel the fears I’m feelin’ today?
If the button is pushed, there’s no runnin’ away
There’ll be no one to save, with the world in a grave
Take a look around you boy
It’s bound to scare you boy

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Yeah, my blood’s so mad feels like coagulatin’
I’m sitting here just contemplatin’
I can’t twist  the truth, it knows no regulation.
Handful of senators don’t pass legislation
And marches alone can’t bring integration
When human respect is disintegratin’
This whole crazy world is just too frustratin’

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Think of all the hate there is in Red China
Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama
You may leave here for 4 days in space
But when you return, it’s the same old place
The poundin’ of the drums, the pride and disgrace
You can bury your dead, but don’t leave a trace
Hate your next-door neighbor, but don’t forget to say grace
And… tell me over and over and over and over again, my friend
You don’t believe
We’re on the eve
Of destruction
Mm, no no, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Is anyone intimidated by this drivel? There should be a protest song protesting this song!! Yet – and you’ll have to trust me on this, because as The Oldest Blogger I know this to be true – that stupid song was played on the radio all over this country every hour, 24 hours a day for three months during 1965.

Really, how much effort would it take to scribble something that bad?

OK, you’re thinking “Hey, I’ve got a life, and my own blog. Why should I contribute lyrics that will only make Larry Jones rich and famous?” Fair enough. Here are the reasons:

• I deserve wealth and fame.
• I need a faster car.
• It will be easy.
• It will be fun.
• You can make a difference!
• You can leave a lasting legacy.

As an added inducement, I promise not to:

• …subject you to ridicule
• …ridicule you myself (as you know, I love you all)
• …reveal your identity (if you don’t want me to)

So you can’t possibly lose. Everybody knows the music business is a pushover. Now you have a willing collaborator, and hey, let’s face it: In the end I will be doing most of the work, and you will be sitting back and taking the credit.

What are you waiting for? Don’t answer that! Here’s even more good news! You don’t have to write a whole song! That’s right, just send me your 21st Century Protest Song idea, in the form of a simple couplet or singable chorus, and I will somehow massage it into a song that’s guaranteed to be as good as The Eve of Destruction!

The first day of Summer is the deadline, so there’s just one more week to do this. Remember, there are no losers in The revision99 Protest Song UnContest. Only people who didn’t win. Member FDIC. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Details at this earlier post.

OK, first go and read this post at the blog referred to by its author as “The blog lovingly referred to as ‘Heightened Thoughts.'” The guy’s all fired up because there ain’t enough modern revolutionary music, given that we live in times that are approximately as shitty and hopeless as the 1960’s and ’70’s, when there were all kinds of protest songs that caused what we now wistfully remember as “the Revolution.”

Completely aside from the fact that there really was no revolution in this country after 1776, and discounting the truth that there is a fairly hefty library of current music protesting the state we find ourselves in, I’ll play along for a while.

Hey, kids, let’s put on a show!

Well, OK, let’s not put on a show. But how about if we write a song? Here’s is the comment, somewhat abridged, that I left in the comment section of Heightened Thoughts:

OK, all you angry people. Here’s a challenge, for you and for me: Write a protest song for the 21st century, and I will put it to music and record it and post it. (I’m talking about lyrics here. If you can play and sing, do this yourself.)

Post your lyrics on your blog (make sure you notify me), or MPH’s comment section (again, you’ll have to notify me), or email me. Look at my profile to get my email address.

• Your song can be a joke, or it can be serious, and you retain all rights to the words no matter what I do with them.
• Of course you get full credit for your contribution whenever and wherever the song appears.
• If more than one of you tries this, I get to pick which one to record.
• If you want to give me a melody, try Audioblogger, or post something on some server somewhere and send me the link.

I am a child of the sixties, a blast from your past, and I am not only angry, I am drug-addled. I warn you: If no one sends me anything or posts anything, I will do this myself. We don’t want that, do we?

So, what is pissing you off about the status quo?

• The religious right?
• The lap-dog media?
• The neocon hawks in D.C.?
• Tom Delay?
• Right-wing AM radio?
• The rich getting richer?
• Environmental destruction?
• Governmental invasion of privacy and disregard for human rights?
• Anti-stem cell research bullshit?
• Abrogation of international treaties?
• Institutional homophobia?
• Corporate scandals?
• Is there more???? Of course there’s more!!
• Stolen elections?
• Globalization?
• Voter apathy?
• Skinheads?
• Longhairs?
• Job outsourcing?
• Drug laws?
• Big fat smug politicians with lifetime paychecks and excellent health benefits fucking with your meager Social Security plan?
• The pumps don’t work ’cause the vandals took the handles?

Write it down!!

Here’s your chance to express yourself. It would be good if it has verses and a memorable chorus that we can sing over and over and over and over and over and over while we are marching on Washington. Rhyming is welcome, but optional. Naturally there has to be an unreasonable and arbitrary cutoff date for song submissions…

…So let’s say you have to send your song BEFORE SUMMER STARTS. That will be sometime on June 21.

OK? Bring it.

Oh, before I forget. Get over to Kristi’s blog if you want to read about hot pickup truck sex with virgin schoolteachers.

I don’t know what’s going on yesterday and today with Blogger,

but I am having a hard time commenting on anyone else’s blog. Not only that but my own post below, titled “Adult Language” has six comments, but seems to be reporting only four of them on the main page. Then when you go to the comments page, you find all six comments, but further commenting is disabled!. And on this, the only time I have ever explicitly solicited reader response. So Blogger has a cruel sense of humor. I did not disable comments on that post, I encouraged them.

I fully expect Blogger to be up and working soon like a well-oiled machine, so save your comments and post them when you can. Or email me – my email address is in my profile, if you can get to that. In the mean time, I’ll be checking out some other blogging platforms.

Update: Right after I posted this, everything seemed to get fixed. I gues the moral is don’t use any tricks to try and get people to comment on your stoopid blog.